Floresço, porém.

E como não morrer a fé?
De facto estás certo, o amor não descarta, encontra uso no surrado, no desfeito, e refaz.
Mas se me deixastes por refazer-me assim, só, que pensarei?
Dizes também que teu amor aguarda meu reflorescer.
E floresço, mesmo só, um florescer doído, forçado.
Temo que não haverá frutos que possas colher.
E o que fazer dos meus velhos sonhos de amor companheiro?
Já sou frio, oco, ecoa em mim a falta do amor que me prometestes.
Floresço, porém.

Dear love,

I think it is time we had an open and honest talk. As I once did in Santa, I have always believed in you and hoped I would meet you one day. But after the odyssey I've faced looking for you, I guess it is time I came to terms with it all.
When I was younger I would see you being portrayed so magically and beautifully in Hollywood movies and in fairy tales I was read that it fed me with the strongest dream of meeting love. I remember feeling so safe knowing that something so beautiful as you existed in our world, and I hoped so badly I would come across you someday.
When I was twelve I used to have this huge crush on my best friend at school, and by then I was so sure she was my one and only love, my destined one. I hung to that feeling as much as I could, but reality eventually struck me and I saw that love was not there. From then on I would always stumble and fall while trying to find you. Desperately, sometimes, I cried out for you into the empty nights. And I would indignantly ask myself why you were hiding from me, why there wasn't love anywhere I looked for it.
Honestly, love, had I known looking for you was such a misleading and painful path, I would have rather never wish meeting you at all. I despise myself for idealizing you, for believing in empty promises of ever-lasting love, for being convinced that it was worth and noble to seek out for you. In the end, all that search was simply so meaningless.
But I am now tired. I am tired of all the hopes I've wasted on you, of all the dreams you grew in me and then took away letting me with nothing to cling to. I did believe you were the one force of life I could rely on, that once we met you would never abandon me, never let me perish, again. Oh, dear love, I thought you were somehow stronger than all the rest, I let go of my sword and shield thinking you were my faithful knight, and now I am left unprotected in this battle.
Still, I rise, love, for I'm not immune to your traps, your soul-eating consequences, but I am tougher than you might have figured. I write you this so you can know I no longer rest in you such great power on my life, that I no longer believe you are magical, innocent and good, only. I now know that living for you is too dangerous a path to follow. But I was deceived by life, by men and by me, I was made believe that the only noble life is that lived seeking for ideal and pure love. Oh, silly of me. Maybe I should have known that noble love can only be experienced by noble men. I, a mere ordinary man, desire the purest of loves...
Surprisingly I found a flickering gleam lit in my soul. It is now reason that helps me through. I have summoned it and made extensive use of its so enlightening counsels. We ought to meet again, love, I know. You might have not had enough of me and want to teach me some more painful lessons.  But I am done for now. I am on the edge of stumbling and no longer being able to rise. I lack strength for fruitful learning in your arms, now, and any more pain might just ruin it all. So I need to let go of you, for now. I hope reason and time patch every single wound you left, every single crack.
As I once chose not to believe in Santa for it hurt me a lot realizing he no longer left me gifts under my bed, I chose to keep you out of my life, too, for all you leave now are tears and sobs.

Farewell, and may we meet again in happier times.

Sneaky night

So there again the night comes

The cold wind starts to blow

Once again against my window

Whistling, whispering  low

Wait! There goes my soul...

Should I have let it go?

Wasn't I sopposed to know?